she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
not ubering you a puppy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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