Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
