First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize