I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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