Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
