He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
