I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
