Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
