literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
