why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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