I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
