Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
