Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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