Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
