at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
