Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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