Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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