I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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