It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
