Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
