I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
