make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
