I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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