DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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