You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
