You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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