idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
