Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
