This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
