my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
