just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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