Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I sprained my soul last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
