i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
