He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
