Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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