Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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