I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
