A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
