i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
