I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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