3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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