508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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