Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
