this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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