Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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