Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
