Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
