I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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