She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
