Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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