I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
