So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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