"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
