After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
