that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
