I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
