i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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