Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
nutella sex= disaster
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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