porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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