I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
