I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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