I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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