Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.

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(646): View more from New York

Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.

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(630): View more from Illinois

wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

(816): View more from Missouri

yes. helicopter.

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(240): View more from Maryland

She's the barista slut.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.

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(772): View more from Florida

at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?

(1-772): View more from Florida

around eleven

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