I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
smell my finger.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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