i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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