Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
