Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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