she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
