If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
